We Are Not Too Much
Communities Sometimes Don’t Match
I am a cautious person.
When entering a new space I am quiet and could be perceived as shy. I try to shrink as if that’s possible for a tall fluffy black girl anywhere. I try to observe and ask myself how do I show up here? Can I show my creative side freely? (cause I don’t have the energy for negativity), Is this space accepting of certain parts of me that I enjoy sharing? Or does it just require the professional persona I’m trying to build? Do they want me to speak just church lingo not to feel other? Do they even like the niggas and the gays?
It’s understandable because not every space requires certain parts of you, some spaces are made with a certain purpose in mind and it is important to know what’s appropriate per time, but, we’re going to talk about this in the context of intimate communities. Communities where we are ‘encouraged’ to be our authentic selves or to come with ‘all’ of us, but said authentic has to fit a certain type of character and personality box.
Honestly, it can be painful but the beautiful part of growing and adulting is the subtle ways we realise and reclaim our power to change where we are in gradual but more certain ways. One way is through building and finding communities where we feel seen and appreciated.
When we’re young and in institutions and schools it is quite tricky navigating situations or spaces where we don’t feel welcomed enough because; one, we’re still defining our values and holding onto borrowed values and principles from our parents, and immediate society and we have limited choices of leaving. Sure you might stop talking to them but they’re still your classmates, changing towns is next to impossible if your parents don’t do that, you get the gist? As an adult while workplaces might be toxic, you do have the option of not speaking to people or not showing up at certain places outside of work because they do not serve you in any way, there are options (obviously with nuances) to change towns, cities, locations difficult as it may be. We have the power to create/facilitate more communities for people like us or people who can appreciate wider ranges and spectrum of people.
And while the loneliness epidemic spreads faster than Covid and there is no one solution I can give you save from doing your best and praying the universe rewards your efforts, I try to make do with the little control I have on who and what stays in my personal space.
Difficult or impossible as it may seem we do have a lot of power to a large extent to determine what we do with our time, who we spend it with and how we show up for one another, isn’t that beautiful?!
Hug a person today!
Janoma
Authors Note:
I just finised reading a three part fanfic that was loaded! And I’m in shambles. I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m not sure what to think, I’m elated but sad that this story ends here for me, and I’m mildy annoyed that I can’t reach into the screen and hug them because they’re just so adorable its insane!
Song of the Week:
The internet sent me this song and i thought I’d definitely share it Mad Tsai’s In my Head.