home away from home

The "found family" trope isn't one of my favorites for no reason

Today’s letter is brought to you by

Maverique

, author of

Mav's Words

. Enjoy!

Janoma invited me to write about community and what that means to me. The request was sent at the beginning of the month, and I only just saw it.

In all honesty, I wasn't sure how to approach this. I thought of the group chat of queer students in my school, the friends whose lives enriched my university experience, and the subreddits and Discord servers I sought solace in. Yet, I couldn't find the right words.

So I turned to my good friend, Thesaurus, and looked up synonyms for "community".

Now we're talking!

I started working out again this month. My desire to be healthy was something I no longer wanted to sit and wish for. I didn't want to return to Pilates, nor Nike Training Club, nor football, nor early morning runs, but I knew I needed to exercise. Thus, I turned my attention to calisthenics.

r/Calisthenics did not have a particularly helpful wiki, but they did tell beginners to "just begin" and to "not ask questions". So that's what I did––I just began. Yet, something was still missing, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. After finding r/bodyweightfitness (through this absolute gem of a post), it clicked.

r/Calisthenics didn't have the vibe I was looking for. Sure, I was looking for a community of people who (somewhat) had the same goals and interests as I did, and yes, r/Calisthenics had that. But what I didn't find in r/Calisthenics was the feeling of community.

Picture from Pinterest

I found that in r/bodyweightfitness.

As a clinically depressed, queer individual in a country where mental health and queerness are outright ignored and villainised, the importance of community could not be more apparent.

I entered uni as a closeted queer person, knowing that I couldn't be the only queer person in Nigeria, yet feeling utterly isolated. I flinched whenever I was she/her-ed, and felt my heart drop at my lecturers' homophobic tirades. Perhaps, I was the only queer person in Nigeria. Perhaps, queerness was truly only a white person thing.

Then I sat next to a girl wearing a rainbow-coloured wristband, and the rest is history.

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Throughout my childhood, I was surrounded by the "power of friendship" trope in media. From My Little Pony and Barbie to Fairy Tail, I have seen time and time again how community can uplift you in trying times.

Yet, in my adolescent and pre-adolescent years, I found myself giving up on community.

Secondary school was the darkest period of my life. For reasons I never knew, I wasn't liked by my peers. And to make things worse, I wasn't particularly kind to myself either. An insecure, perfectionistic individual, I sought validation from the very boys that disgusted me, and I rooted my self-worth in every A I earned. Ironically, my academic brilliance made me a target for resentment.

Then I switched schools, and things started to look up. I met people who celebrated my wins with me, and let me cry when things got hard. People who valued me enough to consider my opinions and ask me for advice. It was revolutionary. And it only stayed that way when I got into university.

A friend advised I seek help for my tics, which was how I got started on treatment for depression. My online friends helped me reconcile my queerness with my faith, and other friends made me realise that it wasn't bad to have good grades. I didn't have to be demonised for my achievements.

I can't be the Maverique I am today without the people who have been with me through so much, and even those who have helped me in the smallest ways. My story has been written by various authors, each with different ink colours and handwriting.

I feel blessed to know that people have my back, that I am loved, cherished, and welcomed.

I can sleep peacefully knowing that.

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Author’s Note:

I have been sitting on this gem for a while now and I’m so excited to share this piece with you all.

Maverique

‘s newsletter is such a gem you should definitely check it out.

Song Of the Week:

I stumbled across a new artiste, Jordan Suaste, this week and I am genuinely in love with their album but “god or the universe or something else” has spoken to me in ways I can’t seem to explain.