Allow yourself to WANT

The immerse Joy in that

I’ll start in the middle of this article and find the beginning somehow.

Lately, I’ve been in a better place, financially and mentally, let’s leave the physically cause cold is a bastard.

If there’s one thing my dad did well for me that I can’t thank him enough for its drilling one quote into my ears since I was a child

”Dreams are free so why not?”

Picture from Pinterest

Dreaming things is not easy, I promise you it is not. Wanting them is even harder. I’ve been around friends I tell scenarios I see us in and they immediately start leading with doubt or pointing out the infeasibility of it. Like of course it’s not ‘feasible’ its a dream? If I wanted ‘feasibility’ I’d have goals outlined and a slide deck on Canva.

At some point during the year, I wasn’t letting myself dream up scenarios like I normally do. And I do get that it’s a privilege to allow yourself to want and desire things when your immediate needs aren’t met or very uncertain and obviously this is a very subjective blog so just roll with me.

I think there’s shame attached to desire. When growing up I’d say ‘I’d like to model’ and an immediate clapback with ‘you’re too fat’ like fat people don’t model already. I’d say random things I’d like to do out loud and there’s always a counter as to why it’s impossible or why I shouldn’t dream it and it builds a sort of inferiority complex that leads to the line of thought ‘who am I to even want that?’

I’ve seen it affect my romantic life even, I see a baddie I like and immediately start finding reasons why I’d be a terrible partner for them and self sabotaging. But the question isn’t ‘ why should I want this? who am I to want this? would people think I’m vain for wanting this?’ its ' WHY THE FUCK NOT?

Desire, the act of wanting, is such a powerful thing that we as human beings are capable of. Having needs is normal, the need to be held, to commune and socialise, the need to love and be loved, to eat to be clothed to be housed; these are needs, basic rights, but wanting things? That’s what makes life so vibrant. I don’t ‘need’ to take pictures looking like a fairy, but I want to. I don’t have my devices colour coded in purple but I want to. I don’t need to get a pole in my living room but I want one. And I think its such a lovely thing we get to experience; just the act of wanting alone is something to be awed and grateful for.

Going after your wants and turning them into goals is another thing entirely and far be it from me to tell you what to do. But I feel wanting things is a huge chuck of what makes us powerful beings. And its weird that we don’t even let ourselves daydream past basic needs anymore, even when we’re in positions to.

It also has to do with the fact that we like to moralise almost everything, even when its very neutral ground. Why?

I used to have a friend that would go as far ask checking what was the right colour of shirt to wear on a freaking Tuesday morning? Like what do you mean we’re not allowed to desire things that just appear in our subconscious like that? what do you mean we’re wrong for having thoughts that don’t fit some ‘standard’ or is ‘unaligned’ to an organisation’s moral high ground. (obviously this isn’t an excuse to be prejudiced, discriminatory or harmful).

And there’s another thing to be said about wanting the same thing that is considered the ‘norm’. Do you know how triggering it is to realise you what you honestly want isn’t what society has said you should want? From black boys and men deciding to get their hair in plaits and other styles that isn’t ‘short’ to women deciding to be child free, to people getting simple things like piercings and tattoos or wearing Arya Starr approved miniskirts.

If there’s anything that has hit me like a brick after the shege 2024 has shown me, its we have to want stuff first. We have to want trivial things, and huge things enough to do something about them. We need to want enough to ask for them, we need to want enough to quieten the self-doubt, we need to want enough to make way for others, we need to want more for ourselves our communities and whatever descendants we decide to birth because who are we not to?

So I’ll leave with the question Liza’s been asking : If all the costs were covered, money time and all, what would you allow yourself to want?

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Author’s Note:

I just finished watching Arcane and let me tell you! That was such a fucking vibe oh my God! Why has no one said this since! What was that ending? That soundtrack? What?!
Also I will be braiding my hair tomorrow and I am hyped up!

Song of the Week:

I honestly just want to recommend the entire Arcane season 2 playlist but I’ll act put together and recommend just two for now: Remember Me by d4vd and The Line by Twenty one pilots

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