12:04am

There was a poem in my throat.

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There is a poem in my throat

It is 12:04 and I am trying to create.

I am trying to let my thoughts run wild on the page,

and begging the giggle that hides in my veins to scream loud.

It is past midnight and I am seeking joy in the worn-out pages,

I wonder how long this will go on.

How long I shall ask myself to stand up from bed-

before my legs decide to listen

How long my stomach will sit still-

before reminding me of the need to eat

How long my mind will take-

before it decides to work and act its age?

I wonder if this is another form of exhaustion/

This -waking up to bones that feel like lead,

This- ‘I think too much yet my mind is blank’

This- tears that sit on my eyelids unsure if they deserve to fall,

It's 12:19 now and I still do not like myself enough.

I wonder when this cycle will stop,

When I would stop punching the calculator trying to stretch resources

When I would stop forgetting I exist

When I would stop living in my head

It's 1:05 and

I find myself numb,

Hoping the sound in my head matches the quiet that exists outside

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Author’s Note

So I had my first Pole Dancing class on Friday and let me tell you, there are bones I didn’t know existed still squeaking today! But it was so much fun and I can’t wait to go again!

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Song of the Week

I’ve been a bit obsessed with Lyn Lapid these days, her songs feel like walking through a garden of affection. And her song July makes me want to twirl on the sidewalks with flowers in my hair. Listen to it, like, right now and tell me you love it too!